Thursday, March 31, 2011

Incapable to read even a single Dharma sentence



 -fragment from a letter-

In times of great deppresion I cannot read a single Dharma sentence, nor am I capable to make my daily devotions properly. To think, to contemplate something, to write, translate or teach becomes a great burden. Everything stops and I cannot do anything.

In those moments, when I am incapable of any religious activities, I often become deeply aware of the friendship and care of Amida Buddha. My innability of doing anything, even to read or recite a single line is entirely accepted and I feel nothing like a reprimand on His part. I sometimes blame myself for my inaction and my incapacities, but still the feeling of being accepted as I am never dissapears from my heart and mind. So, even if I say the Name often or seldom, I know that my assurance of birth in the Pure Land is the same and the Buddha is here as always, walking with me, seeing me, protecting me.

Indeed, I realize that Jodo Shinshu is for me, Josho, a person incapable of any sustained practice, who often falls and wanders here and there driven by various atachmenets. It is this feeling of being accepted no matter what, that makes me a Jodo Shinshu follwer. Without Jodo Shinshu I could not be a Buddhist and the gates of Freedom would be forever closed for me. This is not a metaphor, nor a sign of humblesness, but the simple truth. There is no hidden quality in myself, no special capacity that can be of any help in the matter of birth and death. Still, such a person is saved and assured of Buddhahood due to Amida.
Indeed, the greatest miracle in religion is not that Shakyamuni or Nagarjuna became a Buddha, but that an ordinary person will become a Buddha without deserving it. Many wise and virtuous people will never understand this....

Namo Amida Butsu

4 comentarii:

Melvin said...

Hi Rev Josho,

I feel the same way as you are. This is what we call 'As it is' or 'As you are' that Amida comes to us and we carry nothing with us. 'As you are' is Shinjin of Other-Power in fact. I made a chinese poem in my chinese blog which goes like this:

If I die now,
How am I be born into the Pure Land?
O the Great Primal Vow Power!
I am powerless and have nothing - I score nothing but 'zero'
With zero score I gain birth into the Land of Bliss

Gassho,
Melvin

Melvin said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Paul said...

Hi Adrian -

Clinical depression is one of the most difficult forms of suffering humans endure in this Saha world.

My thoughts are with you, and I hope you feel better soon.

Gassho,

Paul

Josho Adrian Cirlea said...

Thank you, Melvin and Paul. Namo Amida Butsu